Rockstar's monster, "Hot Coffee," unleashed by shameless modders
February 15, 2007

Brendan Kachel
Online editor

Do you like fairy tales? Well, here’s one, anyway.

Once upon a time there was a land called Video Games, and in this land the people are called content. Now, the content lived in castles, and one castle was called Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

Now, the lord of this, Rockstar Games, recruited content named Hot Coffee. At first, Hot Coffee seemed to be all right, but after a while, Rockstar Games decided that Hot Coffee was not only going to get them in trouble, but it was also really, really ugly. So, they took it to a dark, secluded room, deep in the castle dungeons, locked it in, threw away the key, bricked over the door, and swore never to speak of it again.

Finally, the castle was opened, and people visited the castle and all of its content. Until one day, a visitor called a modder decided to mess around with the castle, which he wasn’t supposed to do, and doing so, he broke through the wall. And Hot Coffee got loose.

Now, the protectors of the realm, the ESRB, told Rockstar Games to get rid of the monster. Rockstar Games cried out that they had not let the monster loose, it was the modder’s fault, but ESRB said it didn’t matter. So, Rockstar Games vanquished the monster. And they all lived happily ever after.

Now, in case you haven’t heard this story before, Hot Coffee is a sex mini-game that was going to be released with GTA:SA, but was cut from the final game. The content, however, stayed in the game, without a way to access it. Unless the game was modded, which violates the End User License Agreement.

Most mainstream, big name video games, even horribly violent ones like the GTA series, refuse to have any nudity. Hot Coffee was not cut because of any moral qualms, but because AO games are not sold at most video game outlets, and that rating would decrease sales. The real issue is whether or not it is okay for so-called “hidden” content, content like Hot Coffee, which is not supposed to be accessed, to be a part of ESRB’s criteria for rating a game. Should Rockstar Games be penalized for something the players are not intended to do?

I’m not even a fan of GTA, and I don’t think we need sex mini-games, but even I think that this is a bad thing. I wish Rockstar hadn’t created this problem.

Sorry, Mario, but that princess is in another castle, now.